Political Skittles, albino execs and The Word that kills

The heartless editors held a fountain pen to my head and demanded I cover the “debate” of all those running for executive positions in ASG. The first thing I did was to immediately throw my journalistic tools at the wall and scream that I didn’t want to cover any more “diversity.”

Everyone in the Traveler dungeon chuckled at my antics, but they knew what I meant.

As an objective reporter who covered the Thursday debate and the presidential and vice presidential positions, it’s impossible to escape the word, “diversity.” During the debate, the word was uttered no less than 30 times, and during individual interviews for president and vice president, the word escaped lips no less than three times for each candidate.

I’ve had nightmares about the word for the last week.

Each candidate seems to think diversity is important in order to act as executives of ASG and effectively as representatives of the student body. Each expounded on how they hope to represent that diversity.

It’s no surprise the word “diversity” plays a key role in how each candidate creates their stump speech.

For nearly eight years now, Chancellor White’s main focus has been to stuff the UA with as much “diversity” as possible.

ASG has little decisive power in how the university is run. That is the job of the Board of Trustees and the chancellor. White has decided the university needs to advance in the semantically abstract area of “diversity.”

The best ASG can do is act as a representative body of the students and voice concerns to the administration. The best way to do this, of course, is to speak the same language as the administration: diversity.

Its no surprise then, that those running for executive positions keep pushing for “diversity,” whatever that may mean. Each candidate agrees that ASG must be “diverse” in order to properly represent the student body’s concerns. For some of the candidates running on the same ticket, the idea of “diversity” is laughable.

The Whiteside-Jewell Ticket, which also supports Drennon and Looney, is composed of four white males who are all in the Greek system.

Ziser and Fay claim diversity and “multiculturalism” because Fay is Greek and Hispanic and Ziser has spent his time representing on-campus students.

It was the Bensing-Hill ticket, however, that is pushing the “diversity” idea harder than a cheap car salesman.

Their “diverse” ticket is composed with one gay white male, two black females and one white, Greek female. The other candidates might have known that diversity would sit well with the administration and tried to work it to their advantage, but it was the Bensing-Hill ticket that milked “diversity” for all it was worth.

Ladies and gentlemen, this is called identity politics. An old phrase says, “Kill them all, and let God sort them out.” A similar approach must be taken in deciding the next executives for ASG. It’s Chancellor White’s job to get diversity on campus. Our executives should be effective in producing legislation that benefits the students. If the executive body doesn’t exactly represent the “diverse” student body, so be it.

If each candidate took seriously the idea of “diversity” and took the “diverse” representation of ASG to its logical extreme, the results would be quite different than what each ticket considers a proper representation of the student body. Out of 18,054 students, 51 percent are male, so of the four execs two should be male and just a little taller than the girls. With the black population on campus at about 6 percent, the most accurate representation of “diversity” would be to have a black, female dwarf as a receptionist for the execs. And if we were to truly make the officers representative of the student body, not a single person would be Hispanic, Asian or “Alien” as their percentages are 2.5 percent, 3 percent, and 6 percent respectively. If anything, you would have to find someone whose name was close to Jose-Muhammad Chang and have him run for chair of the senate.

I estimate that by the time you read this column, candidates will have said “diversity” about 5,679 times. It’s been viciously abused this entire week, and I’ve begun to bleed from the ears every time it’s uttered.

It wouldn’t matter if four albinos from Azerbaijan ran for the exec positions, as long as they proved efficient in getting what I want as a student. I’m selfish and, as statistics point out, part of the ultimate majority on campus. I don’t need a pack of Skittles in the exec office.

I don’t need to taste the rainbow. I need people who will get things done.

[Original piece available here.]

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